Jokes in English

Discussion dans 'English board' créé par RedEye, 5 Novembre 2012.

  1. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    Here are some jokes in english to laugh a little

    The theme is "Teachers & Kids" :
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
    MARIA: Here it is.
    TEACHER: Correct. Now class who discovered America?
    CLASS: Maria.
    ---------------------------
    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
    ---------------------------
    TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile"?
    GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
    TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
    GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
    ----------------------------
    TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
    DONALD: H I J K L M N O
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
    -----------------------------
    TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.
    WINNIE: Me!
    ------------------------------
    TEACHER: GLENN, Why do you always get so dirty?
    GLENN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
    ------------------------------
    TEACHER: Millie give me a sentence starting with "I.."
    MILLIE: I is..
    TEACHER: No, Millie.....Always say "I am"
    MILLIE: All right..I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
    ------------------------------
    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    LOUIE: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
    -------------------------------
    TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
    -------------------------------
    TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
    CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
    -------------------------------


    And the best one to finish <D :

    TEACHER: Harold, how do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    HAROLD: A teacher.
     
    bella999 aime ça.
  2. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    some other jokes :

    A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
    B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
    ------------------------------------------------------
    "Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
    "Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".
    ------------------------------------------------------
    Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
    One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
    Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
    His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
    A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
    With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
    The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
    Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
    ------------------------------------------------------
    An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school :
    "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home."
    ------------------------------------------------------
    Two factory workers are talking.
    The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
    The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
    The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
    The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
    The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
    The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
    The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
    The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
    ------------------------------------------------------
    Two cows are standing in a field.
    One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
    The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
    ------------------------------------------------------
    A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
    The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
     
    Dernière édition: 12 Février 2014
    bella999 aime ça.
  3. zacaria

    zacaria الشاعر الضائع

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    I'm sure that few people had read all of these jokes, moroccans are too lazy ;)
     
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  4. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    moroccasn are simply being..moroccans <D
     
    Dernière édition: 12 Février 2014
  5. damya2009

    damya2009 Accro

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    i did it <D<D<D
     
    RedEye aime ça.
  6. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    some other jokes :

    A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
    The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
    The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
    Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
    The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
    The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
    "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
    The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
    -----------------------------------------------------
    There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."

    The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."

    On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."
    -----------------------------------------------------
    A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.

    The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

    In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle
    seat near the rear of the bus.

    The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what
    was wrong.

    "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

    The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say
    things to insult passengers."

    "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

    "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
     
    Dernière édition: 12 Février 2014
    bella999 aime ça.
  7. ScoRPinA

    ScoRPinA Accro

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    hahaha monkey !!!! how ugly he is :p
     
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  8. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    Ask the mother :lool:
     
    Dernière édition: 12 Février 2014
  9. ScoRPinA

    ScoRPinA Accro

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    nn nn I wont't dare :eek: I am a nice person [49h]
     
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  10. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    that is a joke you are not nice :p
     
    Dernière édition: 12 Février 2014
  11. ScoRPinA

    ScoRPinA Accro

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    neither u [:Z]
     
  12. the dreamer

    the dreamer M3

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    well..i smiled! :lool:
     
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  13. Mysa

    Mysa Accro

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    Nice Jokes :eek: thanks redeye :)
     
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  14. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    you're welcome
     
  15. dul2

    dul2 salam alikom

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    a moroccan man told his mother : mum i want to get married you need to find me a wife
    the mother : can you describe what sort of woman you want me to look for you?
    the son: she needs to be white, big and tall
    the mother: in this case you need to marry the fridge
    [04c]
    hhhhhhh.. not bad
     
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  16. RedEye

    RedEye - أبو عبدالرحمن - Membre du personnel

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    nice translation :p
     

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